Meh.

I have a job interview at The Second Cup tomorrow at 11:00am.

Go me.

From Dillion Consulting

August 23, 2004

Dear Ms. G----:

Thank you for applying to Dillion Consulting Limited for employment.

The Company does not have a position open at this time which relates to your background and training. We will hold your application on file for six months in the event a position becomes available at Dillion Consulting.

We wish you every success in your quest for employment.

Yours truly,

DILLION CONSULTING LIMITED

Suzanne MacDonald
Office Administrator

I'll be a corporate barista... if it fucking kills me.

No Starbucks job for me. Well this certaintly sucks ass.

So I did the next best thing and applied for a job as a coffee jerk at The Second Cup. They are basically Canada's answer to Starbucks, but somewhat less evil... you know, they still exploit third world labour ("But all the other corporations are doing it!!"), but their business practices in the west aren't as monopolistic. The advantage of working there is that it's within a few blocks of where I live and I hear the tips are good. They are also apparently looking for full-time staff, unlike everywhere else I've looked. The principle disadvantage, however, is that I was told that the majority of the shifts they need to fill are from 6:30am to 5:00pm. Fucking hell. I can see it now...

I also attempted to leave a resume at CDPlus, but the girl at the counter wouldn't even take one from me saying only "There are only three people who work here and we don't need anybody else". Well fuck you, too.

*head explodes*

My Starbucks interview on Tuesday went really well. By the time I actually got in there, I had spent the previous several days posting on various message boards (well, just one really...) looking for people who already worked there, and asking for horror stories and what not. Surprisingly enough, outside of this site, most of what I read online leads me to believe that Starbucks really isn't such a shitty place to work after all... you can have all the coffee you can drink and one pastry while you're on shift, even the part-timers get full medical and dental benefits, there's a stock options plan that's supposed to be really good, and everybody who works there gets one pound of free coffee beans to take home every week. As shitty minimum-wage jobs go, this sounds pretty sweet to me. So by the time I got to the interview, I was downright excited about my new career as a corporate barista. The manager seemed really nice, and it wasn't one of those horrible corporate job interviews either (you know... the ones that are really thinly veiled personality tests?). All she really asked about was what I liked and disliked about all my past jobs, and some really vague stuff like "What does it mean to you when I say 'customer service'?". Riiiight. Anyway, I had answers for everything yet kept the bullshit to a minimum, I was fucking amazing. The manager seemed really impressed with me, and she said that since her regional manager would be in later that afternoon she probably wouldn't have time to make any calls that day, she would definitely be calling by Wednesday. Awesome, I strutted out of there thinking, "finally."

Well Wednesday came and went, and there was no phone call. I completely freaked out. I spent most of the latter part of Wednesday and the earlier part of today in bed, crying a lot and not eating... thinking to myself "If I can't even get a shitty part-time job at the mall slinging coffee for minimum wage, what else is left...?" I was seriously lamenting the fact that the city shut down the Gentleman's Massage Parlour, conveniently located above X-Citement Video, because it violated "zoning regulations" *wink wink*. I wrote part of an honours thesis on prostitution last year, and I concluded from my research that staffing a rub-n-tug is probably the least objectionable form of sex work.

So no phone call from Starbucks. On the advice of one of my porn friends, I finally called them late this afternoon to see what was their fucking problem. The manager wasn't in, so I told the kid who answered the phone that I'd been in for an interview a few days ago but that I hadn't gotten a call, and asked if he'd heard whether or not they filled the job or not. He asked the shift supervisor and she said that they're still "looking for people for the fall", so that I could still get a call. I don't know how I am supposed to interpret this. Does it mean that I simply wasn't her first choice, so she'll put off bringing me in for training for a few weeks while she trains the *really* hip-looking coffee pourers? Jesus fucking Christ! So anyway, the manager is supposed to be in on Sunday, so I guess I'll call back then and see what the rhubarb is. This suck ass.

Summer colds= Satan

And not in a cool "hair metal" sorta way either. I hate being sick when it's hot.

My Starbucks interview got rescheduled for Tuesday at 10:30. Also one of my porn friends got a call for a second interview at Chapters and I did not. Just as well seeing as how I didn't want to work there.

That is all.

WTF?

I don't k now what's wrong with me. Why do I keep applying for jobs that I do not want?

Yesterday I went back to Chapters to buy a book I saw while I was waiting around to be humiliated the day before... I'm convinced that's why they made us all wander around the store for 10 minutes while they gathered chairs for the interview; so we would find stuff we wanted to buy. Anyway, I bought a book about starting home-based mail order businesses, along with a gift certificate and birthday card for my bitchy and anorexic roommate. While I was up there, I noticed that the Starbucks location in the store had a Help Wanted sign in their window, so I left them a resume. I still had a bunch in my bag from the Chapters debacle the previous day and my failed attempt at getting a retail dream job in a porn shop, so I figured "eh, why not?" Less than 24hrs after receiving my resume, they called me for an interview for Monday morning. Jesus H. Christ. I DON'T WANT TO WORK FOR STARBUCKS!

We invite you to explore an exciting opportunity as a Clarica advisor.

Here's some spam courtesy Workopolis:

Dear Ms. G----,

Clarica is proactive in seeking potential quality candidates through a specific search on the Workopolis.com site. Your resume indicates you may have the skills, background, and/or interests to be a good fit for the Clarica advisor role.

Clarica Financial Services, Inc., is now associated with the Sun Life Financial group of companies. Our advisors have been helping people make clear financial decisions for over 130 years. As a Clarica advisor, you'll build your financial services business by providing your clients with solutions to their various financial needs. You'll help people realize their financial goals and provide advice to help them protect their families through sound financial plans. You'll benefit from a comprehensive training program, competitive compensation package, and dedicated professional support while remaining the operator of your own business.

We invite you to explore the possibilities by taking the next step in this process, which is completing an online questionnaire: The Personal Orientation Profile (POP). We strongly recommend that this profile be completed in one sitting, so please set aside about 30 minutes to do so.

https://www.longfuckingurl.com/

Note: If you have trouble accessing this link please copy and paste to the address field in your browser window.

A Clarica manager will contact you within 5-10 business days after receiving the Profile results to share them with you and discuss the next steps in the recruiting process.

Your privacy: Clarica uses the services of Self-Management Group (SMG), an independent Canadian staffing consultant to administer the POP. Your information will be stored on an SMG database, and is used exclusively to determine your suitability to a sales career. Information you provide will be only available to Clarica employees responsible for sales career recruiting. If you have concerns about your privacy, please refer to the SMG privacy policy posted on the SMG POP site.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email select@clarica.com

I will never take a job that requires me to follow the stock market, regardless of the size of the dumptruck of money they back up to my house. Fuck 'em.

Anti-Pam Filter

Christ, I'm so fucking thick sometimes it amazes me. I got up this morning with the intention of going down to X-Citement Video to drop off a resume. I checked the ad on HRDC one last time to make sure there wasn't anything important that I missed when I read it yesterday, and then I got in the shower to get ready to leave. While I was in the shower, I realized something: the "contact name" listed in the posting was "Pam", and it suddenly dawned on me that it's that Pam; the same one who was obsessed with my ex when we were going out, and the same one he's always with whenever I get dragged against my will to the Taproom, and the same one who always shoots me dirty looks when I see her on the bus. So anyway, I guess the dream is over: no porn job for Mary. :-(

I want to move to Halifax really bad and get a job at Venus Envy so I can hang out with all the hip lesbians and pro-porn feminists, damn it.

Crisi-tunity!

The Chinese use the same word for "crisis" as they do for "opportunity". Who says you can't learn anything from The Simpsons?

So anyway, after writing the Chapters job interview-related rant you see below this entry, I checked the HRDC job postings again, and lo and behold, there are two vacancies at The Adult Video Warehouse (aka: X-Citement Video)! Fuck yeah, if I'm gonna be selling crap to idiots, it may as well be porn. I also assume that because of the nature of the business, nobody's gonna get their panties in a bunch if I tell the odd customer to fuck off when they deserve it.

The problem is... as far as I know this city's lone porno store is operated by a closed hipster-ocracy of Taproom regulars, including friends of my ex who have spent the last several years hearing about what a phsychopathic whore I am without ever meeting me. Here's hoping X-Citement Video is under new management. I'm gonna go down there in person tomorrow and see what the rhubarb is.

I'm also sending an application to the New Brunswick Pork Council because they are looking for an office assitant. You can't make this stuff up.

Fuck Chapters in the ass.

I don't know what I was thinking sending Chapters my resume in the first place. I've done corporate retail before and I hated it, but I guess I'd just forgotten why. To say that big companies value sales profits over everything else doesn't really caputure it. The fact is, it is the only thing they value.

I had no idea this would be a "group interview", so I'm already feeling jerked around by this company before management even has a chance to open their mouths. They put me in a room with three other wannabe "customer experience representatives" and two managers who asked questions like "Can you give an example of a time when you handled a difficult customer service situation?". Putting four canditates for a single job a room to be interviewed en masse creates a ridiculously competative atmosphere to begin with. But when you start in with questions like that, it makes everybody fall all over themselves to give a better answer than the last person. It's sick, and it's the first time I ever seriously considered walking out of a job interview. I couldn't believe the bullshit spewing out of these people, it was truly astounding. I also suspect that forcing potential employees to compete with one another directly in this way is indicative of what it's like to work for Chapters. I should have listened to this guy and saved myself the bus fare and time I spent to go up there.

After that part of the "interview" was over, they managers launched into a long speal about the dress code at Chapters: you have to wear either black dress pants or khakis, no sneakers but Doc. Martins are okay, you can only wear shirts with collars (eg: golf shirts), and your shirt has to be one of the following solid colours: black, white, blue or gray. Then, without any prompting from me, one of the managers looks at me and says "We'll have to get back to you about corporate policy on peircings. We've never had anyone with a peircing at this store, so I'm not sure what the policy is." You've got to be fucking kidding me. If I thought it might be an issue, I would have asked upfront. Silly me for thinking that it wouldn't matter.

Then, the final humiliation: the managers handed each of us a shopping bag with a product from the store inside. We were then instructed to go out into the store and find other items that customers who bought the first product might be interested in purchasing. You see, selling people the stuff they want isn't enough, you're also expected to pressure them into buying a bunch of crap that they don't want. Forever the optimist, I have enough faith in humanity to assume that most people know what they want to do with their money and don't need my assistance in being parted from it, thank you very much. This is the crux of the issue of my not wanting to work in corporate retail again. I'm intimately familiar with what its like to live on a limited budget, and when I can afford to buy myself something at the book store, the last thing I want is someone trying to make me spend just... a little... bit... more. Fuck that. Besides, it's arrogant: it assumes that the customer is an idiot who doesn't know what they want and can't shop unassisted.

The two managers said that there would be call backs for second interviews by the first half of next week at the latest (have you ever heard of a part-time, minimum wage job that required a second interview?). God give me the strength to tell them to fuck off if they're dumb enough to call me. You want to know the worst part of this experience? All three of the other people I was interviewed with were graduates of the same university I went to, and all three of them are unemployed and apparently desperate enough to be looking for work at the mall. How depressing is that?

Starbucks ahoy!

My worst fears have been realized.

Regular viewers will be already know that I sent a resume and bullshit cover letter to Chapters a week or two ago because of my increasingly desperate financial situation. For the uninitiated, Chapters = Barns & Noble in Canada... big box book stores located in or near malls with a Starbucks franchise tucked neatly in one corner.

Anyway, they called me for an interview today. Because I am now in the process of maxing out my "emergencies only" credit card with the $500 limit, I had to say yes, even though it's only part time (she said it would be between 10 and 25 hours a week) and presumably minimum wage.

So tomorrow at 2:00 I have to put on my job interview outfit, catch the bus uptown, and then sit there and pretend that selling products which include scented candles and cocktail shakers in a corporate bookstore with its own line of bottled water has been my life long dream. Go me!

From Sawcreek Furniture Co

I didn't have a chance to do this yesterday becasue I was in Sussex all day at the dentist getting two fillings. They had to freeze my mouth three times, so it took fucking forever to regain the feeling in the right side of my face. Anyway...

This is how bad it's gotten; I'm getting rejection letters from companies to whom I don't even remember sending resumes:

August 9, 2004

Dear Ms. G----:

Thank you for your interest in a position with KDS or affiliated companies. Unfortunately, we are not hiring at the present time. I would be happy to retain your resume on file for future opportunities.

In the meantime, if you have any questions or if you would like to update the information on your resume at any time, please feel free to call me at 506-45x-xxxx.

Warm regards,
SAWMILL CREEK FURNITURE COMPANY LTD.

Janelle Doan
Director of Human Resources

Random acts of kindness

Amyt just gave me an insider job tip. Go give her some love!

Can I have some money now?

The work with my distro is still ongoing... I've mostly finished the business plan except for the financial parts, and I've arranged for a meeting with somebody named Larry from Enterprise Fredericton to get help with it on Tuesday at 10:00. Note to self: iron lone dressed-up/job interview-type outfit on Monday night. I've started a *private* LJ to chronicle the process. I'm keeping it private mainly because I want to make it into a zine eventually, don't take it personally.

Anyway... there was a posting on HRDC yesterday for an office clerk for a lawn care company, but I just checked them out and they're located out in the sticks, far beyond the tiny parametres of Fredericton Transit.

C'mon government grant....

The fun has officially been sucked out

My Enterprise Fredericton package did indeed come today. Among other things, there was a pamphlet about an online asstant/wizard for writing a business plan, so I've been working on that for the last several hours. My head fucking hurts and it's too hot, so I'm stopping for a bit. It's really fucking hard too! The parts I've been working on aren't that bad (What makes your business unique from your competitors? What is your business' mandate/objective/philosophy?), but it's gonna get a lot worse when I get to the real logistical parts.

HOWEVER, this will all pay off when I can sit around on my ass all day answering mail, listening to CDs, and reading tons of free zines. Yes. Yes it will. And better still, I will be the envy of all my friends. Awesome.

Shameless filler

I really wish I had more to write here. Well, here's my "Extended" horoscope for today from Yahoo! Astrology (thanks to crippled_and_blind for giving me the idea for this):

You've been spending your time making lists and checking them twice, so you are definitely ready for the next step. It's time to stop fooling around and get serious. Now that the details are taken care of, you can move on to more exciting things. The big picture makes an appearance in your happy little vignette. Do what you can to keep control of your current projects. If you don't start making some changes on your own, certain things may be decided for you.

Does this mean that my Enterprise Fredericton package will come today????

Hey Faggot, gimme a job! Pt. 2

This caught me by surprise. I assumed that with the volume of mail Dan Savage must receive, he couldn't possibly have time to repsond to it all. Apparently I was mistaken:

thanks for sending in your resume, mary. if i replace MD, i will have to hire someone local (i'm in seattle), and i'm not even sure that i'm going replace her at the moment. and the job doesn't pay enough -- by a long shot -- for anyone to move from one country to another, and across a continent. i couldn't live with myself if i dragged you all the way out here.
xo
dan

Well that made my day.

I also called Enterprise Fredericton this morning, and they're sending me some sort of "start-up kit". Hmmm...

Work from home! Be yr own boss!

Sorry I've been slacking with this. As many of you who know me from elsewhere are already keenly aware, besides blogging and looking for work, I also publish a zine called Fistful of Bees. I've spent the last several days getting the first print issue xeroxed and ready to go, as well as tracking down various distros. With great success apparently, as I have a big stack of international mail to take to the post office tomorrow.

Anyhoo... with all this leg work I've been doing for free recently, it occurred to me that I ought to be paid for it. So, first thing Monday morning I'm getting on the phone to Enterprise Fredericton to get info about starting a home mail order business (read: zine and music distro). My big hope is that I'll be able to get a government grant of some sort to do this... enough so I can buy a new PC and hire someone to design a slick-looking webpage. Not to mention feed myself for the first year or so while it gets off the ground. According to my preliminary research, there should be plenty of government cash for me, seeing as I'm female, under 30 and a resident of the notoriously impoverished Atlantic Provinces. Am I industrious or what?

Fuck this in the ear.

I'm not particularly inclined to write today.

I'm applying for a job as a secretary in the math department at UNB, a job which I will not get because I have a combined total of 6 months experience rather than the required minimum of 3 years.

I am not applying for a job in the public relations branch of the government department I used to work for, regardless of how much I would like to. Despite having glowing recomendations from many of the higher-ups, I do not have a minimum 4 years experience in public relations, nor do I speak French. Sadly, I also have no means of obtaining either of these skills.

This place sucks

Nothing much new to report today.

I filled out an online application for Future Shop since they're building one uptown. I'm also gonna send a cover letter and resume to Chapters. Oh we're into the dregs now.

Maritime Pride

It's the August statutory holiday. In NB, it's New Brunswick day. When you're unemployed, holidays suck ass because it just means that HRDC doesn't update their site, and I can't buy groceries because Sobey's is closed.

It's damn hot too. Maybe I'll just get drunk today.

Regular service will resume tomorrow.